At the weekend, while we were in Madrid, David was paying lots of attention in our room to opening all the cupboards and drawers. Every single one was opened, inspected and closed again with a puzzled look. At the end of this strange behaviour, he threw himself on the bed, scratched his head and proclaimed that the hotel was failing in its duty.

Why?

Because there was no Gideon Bible in the room. He claims there are Gideons everywhere but clearly everywhere doesn’t include Madrid.

So, tonight, with newly painted toenails holding me in my seat while I spoke to my sister on the phone, I casually pulled open the drawer marked ‘hairdryer’ when I could clearly see a hairdryer attached to the wall in front of my eyes. What would be in there?

As I opened it, the gilt writing glistened seductively and there it was – a Gideon Bible, right on cue and looking pristine. No thumbed pages, no bent spine, no sign of it ever having been opened by anyone, ever.

Phew – my faith in humanity is restored.

I wonder how much it costs to kit all hotel rooms out with a bible and why, in these days of multi-faith, indeterminate faith, hocus pocus and no faith, we need them at all. I’d say the money would be better spent on housing some of the homeless souls who walk our streets rather than on those of us who can afford hotel rooms.

BTW – last night – fantastic – sleeping pill at 9pm, slept like a baby till 6am and I now feel remotely like a human being for the first time in weeks.

Last year I was worrying about Jo....and as I've not heard from her for nine months, I still am. Two years ago, I was celebrating two years as the full-time partner of my very own sex-god, DM!