It's that time of year again, folks, when the British 'art-cogniscenti' give themselves a collective pat on the back and give a great big prize to some 'cutting-edge' young artist for their pile of used tyres and their unmade bed. This year's short list includes a set of car batteries with words painted on them, some spinning disks, and other such nonsense. In the spirit of 'pushing the boundaries', however, I have decided to join in the fun. Here is my installation, entitled 'Crumpled Paper' or, to be very avante-garde, 'Recycling Old Words on Recycled Trees': it's a statement on our contemporary 'throw-away' society - as will be obvious to any true art lover who will notice that the 'installation' includes the question 'Who should pay'. This work, which is currently on exhibition in my office wastepaper basket, is available for purchase for a mere £750,000 ono.