OK Mum, I’d just leave it here for tonight – normal (ish) service will be resumed tomorrow.

All this after a really jolly evening last night with Rob making me laugh with his interpretation of my colloquial language – he’s the second pbaser to ask for a translation guide so especially for him, I’ve roughly translated the best bits – Hi Rob – hope you like this one…..

I’m in a fairly belligerent mood tonight, having had a spate of people taking a pop (Rob, read dig/swipe/go/poke here) at me for no apparent reason today (can’t say who to protect the guilty) and I’ve gone onto my high horse (got mad) about it.

You see, I’m a simple soul (idiot) who believes that life’s too short to spend ages skirting around things (trying not to step in the poo) – I just come out and say it….whatever IT is.

I know that some would say that’s insensitive but to be frank, I don’t really care if I piss off (make angry) a total stranger because I say I hate Simply Red (Simply Dead to us) or beige (eewwwww) or whatever. You see, I know that the people I love will know that it takes all sorts to make a trifle and whether your thing is the sherry, the jelly, the sponge or the cream, doesn’t mean that someone you love can’t like a different bit. They will love me for my straightforwardness and in return I love them for a host of other reasons.

So, what’s all this got to do with the price of fish (the reason we’re here)? Well, it’s all a bit tedious really but I just wanted, on the eve of Valentine’s Day, to do a really crude photo, completely obvious and full of Carry On Camping (crude British film, full of jokes about tits and arses) level innuendo. So, here it is. Slaver away if you will.

Picture the scene, I marched into Morrison’s and tucked under one arm two bottles of plonk and under the other, this. I swaggered up to the checkout and didn’t flinch at placing the three items on the till to be scanned. I am barefaced. I love all of the tawdry crude things in life and I just thought this is a great way to represent that.

I am straight down the line, DM loves me for it and I’ll bet he has more fun than the critics. In fact, I think he likes his saucy girl just the way she is, unconcealed or not.

So, what will I do with the rest of this – now here’s the best bit, it’s going to be squirted all over DMs cherry tart tomorrow…..(DM has just asked me for a translation of 'cherry tart' - I think he thinks his luck is in!)

Oh and just in case anyone's not sure....I'm NOT pleased to see anyone, it's my finger....no, really, it's my finger!

Last year, a snail!