I have had a break of a few weeks from this. It won’t come as any surprise to find that I’ve been having a torrid time of it of late or that my ability to put a brave face on a shitty time has been tested to its limit and beyond. My trouble is that I’m not able to gloss over things but I’m also not brave enough to put my fragile world back into total turmoil so I’ve found myself effectively gagged by circumstance.

There is something about me that always homes in on the bad things and pokes and prods them. It’s almost as if I think “let’s just check this is as bad as I think” so I stew and stew until it takes on epic proportions.

But then something happened. It’s our wedding anniversary in a fortnight and despite there being a whole load of bad stuff since we got around to taking the plunge in 2009, there have also been triumphs. Lots of them. Not least a first class degree, an award for the best dissertation and a teaching certificate. Does it matter that I couldn’t find a teaching job? No – I could say “it’s their loss not mine” and I do have a teaching certificate that I could use at any point in the future if the moment arises.

I am far from worthless and I need to start to believe in that before I drive myself into the ground (again).

So starting today, I’m going to focus on what makes me worth something and that’s starting with getting rid of crap from the house. I’ve been to the dump with a whole load of course notes from by degree and from my teaching certificate that have been sitting in my loft gathering dust. The fire in this grate is the contents of my private files that relate to my teaching certificate – it contains information about my ability to teach but inevitably this has lots of confidential content and so it can’t go to the dump. It’s now no more than ash and the old me would be saying just like my teaching career but the new me is saying no more than that’s a bit less stuff in this house.

Oh and as for that husband of nearly 6 years. I was waiting for him in B&Q while he popped back to get something and I had a full trolley so couldn't move quickly. He disappeared off then a few minutes later popped out from a group of strangers and my heart jumped. He's still got it!