This photo is the culmination of three unrelated events in my day.

Event 1 – I heard on the wonderful airwaves of Radio 4’s Today programme that there is a Broadway show of the Monty Python film ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ – groan! I’m so glad to live in the UK if that is the sort of stuff that’s finding its way into the supposed great land of theatre in the USA. I just don’t get it at all – DM says that it’s something only boys who were thirteen in 1975 can appreciate and if so, I feel vindicated in saying I just can’t abide the old tosh! (Not having been a thirteen year old anything in 1975.) Whatever makes supposedly intelligent people want to go to see Spamalot, as the new play is called, is quite beyond me. I’ll probably get laods of flaming now from ex-spotty yoofs of the 70s proclaiming it’s a masterpiece of modern culture or some such nonsense but I’d like to think that I know better on this occasion.

Later on, I opened up my pbase account to discover yet more spam on pbase. Is anyone else suffering from it? I’m getting three or four spam messages a day on my pictures, galleries and guestbook telling me about online poker and loans. I’m pretty sick of it to be honest and I don’t understand why it’s coming on mine so regularly when DM hasn’t had a single one. I’ve emailed Emily to see whether it’s a common problem but not had any feedback from her yet.

Then, to add to my frustration, I got a pmail from one Dr TITO MBOWENI whose pbase login is the_governor and guess what? It’s spam! It’s one of those age-old requests to help get money out of Nigeria – so what do these people think I am? Some kind of idiot? Only someone with little or no previous use of email wouldn’t have seen these messages on email before. This individual has no photos online and is simply using the forum as a way to spread his evil messages. So, Dr Mboweni (if that’s your real name) here’s a message from me – get stuffed – go and ply your vile trade elsewhere and leave me alone. Has anyone ever heard that urban myth that people who have ‘taken up’ these offers of vast fortunes in exchange for money laundering have been taken to Nigeria and killed? Is this fact or salacious fiction? Who knows, I don’t.

The final face-to-face confrontation with Spam in my day was walking past it in the aisles of Sainsbury after work while popping in for a few bits and bobs to tide us over until the next ‘big shop’ arrives. I thought to myself that three encounters with the repulsive pink stuff was too many to be ignored so I bought a tin and photographed it. I was trying to get across my message that the contents are not of this world!!!

Will we be eating it tonight? Over my dead body as they say – I even have reservations about feeding stuff like this to my dogs but I know they will love it so it’ll probably find its way into their bowls tonight.

One thing is very disappointing though – the tin isn’t like it used to be ‘in my day’ – I was looking forward to pulling the key off the top and winding it around the tin with that sort of metal tape thingy – ah well, if only life were still full of Horlicks tabs, corned beef hash and condensed milk…….NOT!

Last year I had a sense of achievement from building my pond and the year before I had a frustratingly dull evening stuffing envelopes for my company!