Just imagine my surprise and bewilderment when I looked at my pbase comments this morning to find a whole string of “private” messages left over a period of several hours last night but obviously all by the same hand:

Message 1:
“Know you know what they say about liars! ...u can't be mad at them.cause you know every morning they wake up and lie to themselves first!

So leave room just in case your not full or satisfied.
Can't imagine if your left with a bowl of salad; but instead you want pizza.
So keep hold of the mushrooms; good well deserved punishment

Had lovely day spoke to old friends that done me great favours...off to listen to the Rolling Stones, love them.
Don't be mad, I'm a brand new me; very Alicia keys!”

Message 2:
“Doesn't look like a whale to me! ...but I recall once a young lad I worked with used the word whale out of term to describe a woman....I corrected him...auto correct of course.i stuck up for her...someone needs too”

Message 3:
“Why was he told to say it?....or am I being 'paranoid'...
No chance of a young kid getting 'paranoid' your safe
It's not a montage btw...it's a safe bet!
Good effort tho! But remember less is more! Your showing 'over compensatory behaviour' ..
But it's entertaining the masses! Ie a lot of people know the truth and are taking the piss! Did try to warn u...ur buddies let the cat out of the bag! They love to gossip.and u don't listen. U always think u know best, that's why u always get caught out; no changing ur mind! U think ur intelligence is somewhat superior...I exploited that! Intelligence can not be measured as everyone has different knowledge and abilities! Ur ego is ur biggest problem, cockiness is not attractive.nor is coward ness..if u mess up have the balls to admit it.and mop up ur own mess and do ur own dirty work! I'm not perfect, I mess up, but I can handle it, admit it and sort it! U lie so ur never accountable and u struggle with harsh reality. Miss O is ur emotional blanket, security, very loyal...I tell it like it is; but that's me, u ain't suspicious...more like bloody obvious...ur shit don't wash with me sunshine, u hate it! Both operate differently like I said,wish u well”

Message 4:
“And by buddies I mean day shift!...they didn't like the fact I warned u; that's when it turned quite nasty

Night shift were very loyal to u; they know how to carry out an order and keep their mouths shut! I will miss them!”

Yes – your guess is as good as mine. DM thinks I have been trolled. I am baffled.

I've had a few weird things before - one death threat because I had the audacity to say I love Southall, one severe injury threat because I photographed a gay couple's wedding and a few other randoms, but nothing quite as weird as this.

Oh and for anyone concerned about my health – got the all-clear on the tests today. Hurrah.

SAFETY NOTICE: No trolls got harmed in the making of this photo.