Death, transformation, decay, change, alteration, modification, transmutation, transfiguration, metamorphosis, evolution, conversion, degeneration, deterioration ...

These words (and the images they evoke) don't usually leave us with a feeling that's all warm and fuzzy. Instead, they more commonly pull up memories of times in our own lives that are more associated with negative experiences involving pain, heartbreak, loss and the like. On the morning of this hike, I was contemplating all the changes and transformations I've most recently been undergoing as a woman, as an artist, as a friend, as a ____________ (insert the name of any of our human roles). As I hiked, I recognized my own evolution and, yes, even the death of many self-destructive aspects of me. There is the death of the woman who continued to choose (albeit subconsciously) the chaos and instability of alcoholic relationships - mirroring the chaos and instability of my childhood. There is the death of the woman who devalued herself and her gifts, making it impossible to have a healthy marital relationship (and quite often, very unhealthy friendships as well). There is the death of the woman who was unsure of her own skill and worth as an artist, writer, musician, making impossible to believe she could "make it" using the gifts her Creator gave her to share. There is the death of the woman whose idea of the perfect life kept compelling her to exist in a perfect lie. And as all these deaths were occuring, long-dormant seeds were beginning to break through in new life. A life filled with astounding hope, with renewal of conviction, with restoration of innocence, with healing of endlessly-ignored wounds to the soul, with rebuilding of self-worth, with the ability to choose with the wisdom brought by the "dying of my old self," with love that simply overflows.

And ... as I hiked through the physical desert that morning, so symbolic of the spiritual desert we encounter in this earthly form, I came upon the decaying remains of a desert tortoise. It's body had been consumed by who knows what, leaving minimal putrid remains that soon, too, will be consumed by the dessicating heat of this oft-unforgiving environment. But, when looked at through the eyes of my new life, its humble beauty overwhelmed me and brought great joy. It seemed a fitting sight and symbol of my own transformation from death and decay to new life and new beginnings. I am feeling reborn and created anew. (Inyo County, California, USA)