This one is dedicated to two individuals and one group.

The first individual is Hieronymus Bosch, the master of using allegory and symbolism to represent Hell. Or, in this case, the purchase of a Dell. Had Dell been around when Bosch was alive, I'm sure that some of his paintings would have featured Dell users.

The second is the managing director of Dell Australia who is far too important to respond to consumer complaints, and who runs an organisation so finely attuned to customer service that not only have I been waiting for a special battery for my Dell for over two months now, but last Wednesday I was advised that I may, perhaps, be able to get it in another "4 to 6 weeks".

By "special" I of course mean one which is more than twice the price of a similar 6 cell for a similar model on their web site (because mine comes from "a different warehouse"), and which may, based on the performance of the last one, last about 10 months. It's currently down to less than 20 minutes of usable life, which means that for most of my trip to and from work each day I'm lugging a high tech paperweight.

My feelings about Dell quality control are therefore summed up by a metaphor which really doesn't need explaining.

Oh, the third group? The ones who decided to cut so many quality control corners that no matter how much you've paid for it, almost any new computer will be an expensive pile of scrap within 3 years of purchase. Thus we see a bottomless money pit. (Yes, I bought a new computer today, not a Dell, because I can't wait another month and a half for a "maybe".) But it's also a time pit (represented by the hourglass) given the amount that you have to waste in getting allll of the software reinstalled, and reactivated, and all your files moved, and...

Ask me if I'll ever buy or recommend a Dell again. Go on, ask me.

I'll add two words just so that they'll be indexed; "Dell Sucks". (Apparently a lot of people search the expression "xxx sucks" to see how much ill will is attached to a brand. I want to make my contribution.)

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Edit January 2024: No, I have never bought another Dell in the 14 years since this shot was taken and continue to discourage others from doing so. But some things have changed in those 14 years.

The first is that batteries are no longer replaceable. In both phones and notebooks and tablets (which weren't really a thing back then), the batteries are completely integrated, guaranteeing "engineered obsolescence". I'm surprised that the EU for one hasn't jumped on that because I know that SOME hardware companies will use the battery to slow your phone down - oh, to, um, "preserve the life of your battery", of course - thus converting the phone into an functionally unusable, glacial brick over time.

But to be fair, batteries do seem to be able to power computers for longer these days, in part down to reduced power supply demands of the hardware.

Notebooks and other computers can last for longer than 3 years these days (as long as you can plug them in regularly, because battery life WILL still degrade significantly over time, just not quite to the extent that my Dell's did) because the pace of development has slowed. My desktop is entering its 6th year this year and is still plenty fast enough, whereas a 6 year old computer from the early 2000s would have been glacial.

And of course setting up a new computer and installing the software is massively easier 14 years later, unless you're installing IBM software.

But for me, Dell passed the point of being irredeemable 14 years ago, especially since its management really couldn't give a stuff about whether they were redeemed in the eyes of disgruntled customers, of which there are many.