I was wondering if something would be there

Last years caught me SO off guard.
In fact I would say I was shocked by it.
In hindsight I understand it a lot better.
You still thought your dream was working out.
You were ignoring reality to make it work out.
No matter how much pain you caused me, you wanted it.
You felt that if you stayed above your causality it was ok.
Well obviously that was not OK with me.
And the things after that were also not ok with me.
In fact I don't think any of it was ok with me.
So now it is a year later and I checked this time.
It was the only way to not be off guard again.
And this time there was nothing from you.
I had wondered but I did not have an expectation.
I don't think I even had a desire either way.
To me it would just be an indicator.
In my own hindsight I am glad it was empty.
As I opened this door to check it was a nice finality.
Free and easy down the road I go.