"Like the butterfly, we are all on a journey.
On this journey we encounter endless turns, shifts and conditions that cause us to metamorphasize.
All change is good... even if it may not seem so at the time.
Change is what life is made of and it is necessary to grow and learn."

This was the quote shared with me in a note from my friend and co-worker, Tess, and I cannot think of a more appropriate one.

The decision to retire did not come easily, but my recent diagnosis of osteo-arthritis certainly hastened that decision.
It has been a little over 45 years that I have done critical care nursing.
The 12 hour shifts have become too long and tiring causing increased pain.
But this is the only career I have ever known.
It has taken years of hard work to develop the skills I have attained and... where do I go from here?

Yes, this was my dream, and how many people can say they lived their dream through their work?
If I had not liked my job it would be easy to close the door and say "good-bye" but that is not the case.
Nursing is a part of who I am. The hospital is like a second home, and my co-workers are like family.
And the patients and their families... they are the essence of why I chose nursing as a career.

But it is time to step down and let the younger nurses take over... perhaps that is why I loved to precept the new nurses.
I saw that same idealism and enthusiasm that I too had when entering the field so many years ago.
As a new nurse, it is hard to understand the importance of trust in a nurse-patient relationship
or the importance of empathy and how to develop it.
The new nurse is perfecting skills, time management and learning critical thinking.
And as all of these things fall into place, the art and science of nursing can be realized.

So to my co-workers in ICU and throughout the hospital I say thank you for all your support through the years.
We have laughed and cried together. We have depended on each other.
We have come to know each other's strengths and weaknesses.
That is all part of working as a team for our patients.

To my supervisor and administration, I thank you for believing in me and setting goals so that our hospital
may serve our patients and their families better... with more services available right here in our community.

To the doctors I have worked with through the years... thank you for putting your trust in my decision-making capabilities,
for answering my questions, for teaching me so that I could better serve our patients and their families.

And to my patients and their families... it has been an honor and a privilege to serve you.
You have taught me so much about what is truly important in life and I thank you for putting your trust in me.

And to those of you now entering the field of nursing... I am so proud of you!
This is a career like no other. Be prepared to embark on a lifetime of learning.
In your career, you will see unbelievable changes with technology being what it is today.
But never forget there is a human life depending on your every move, your decisions and your skills.

So at the end of my last day at work, a co-worker pulled out her cellphone and took a shot of me doing my final charting.
I cleaned out my locker and walked past an empty room
where a small group of nurses were learning basic bedside nursing skills from an instructor.
These particular nurses were beginning their educational process
with on-line nursing classes and then developing their bedside skills.
I wished them all luck and much happiness in their newly chosen career and proceeded down the hall.

I heard the rhythmic sound of a ventilator in the background and the cardiac monitor alarms as I walked to the door.
As the door closed behind me, my eyes filled with tears. I had never truly anticipated this moment.
I was frightened, I was relieved, I was sad, I was happy... how can so many emotions coincide?

As I stepped out of the hospital and the cool air hit my face,
I took a deep breath and knew I was entering a new phase of my life.
And like that butterfly, my life's journey would continue, though I knew not where.

I thought back to a favorite quote I learned from an artist I had met several years ago in Mexico...

"Life is not a problem to be solved... but a mystery to be lived."