PICTURES AND TEXT ARE COPYRIGHTED BY DON AND SARA SCHULTZ


“What the hell do you do all day?” It is one of the most commonly asked questions of retirees by those who have not yet joined the ranks of this ever growing group of Americans. The irony of the question is that many retirees ask themselves the same question every morning without a clear answer. When we look back to our working days, with the pressures of teaching all day, raising two kids, maintaining a household and managing an orchard with over 135 fruit trees and a huge garden, we shake our heads in disbelief.

An explanation of this strange phenomenon of not being able to answer the question, “What the hell do you do all day?” may lay somewhere within the fuzzy world of fading memories of life in the world of work, lowered expectations, fatigue and possibly the slow onset Alzheimer’s. One could make the argument that the answer to the question isn’t really that damn important in the first place, but as members of this often envied group, retirees, we feel a need to try. It is a need based not as much on guilt or obligation as it is a queer desire on our part to actually know what we do all day ourselves.

Offering an accounting of our days as retirees has an added degree of difficulty due to the fact that Sara and I live in a box that is approximately 12 feet wide and 37 feet long with wheels under it. We live in an RV and travel throughout North America. Our nomadic life style means that we do not own a home, have walls to paint, a lawn to mow, a walk to shovel and rarely stay in one place for more than a month at a time. When we did own a home, we had over 65 motors to maintain from the attic fan in the roof to garbage disposal in the kitchen to the garden tractor in the garage. That didn’t count hand tools. We now have 14 motors to worry about and that includes both our vehicles. What the hell do we do all day?

Well, our life, as with most people, revolves around several routines. Upon waking, probably the most urgent task is to turn on the coffee maker and get Charlie, our two year old Schnoodle (mother was a miniature schnauzer and father, a miniature poodle, French and German, could there be a more dangerous combination of heritage-talk about a choppy gene pool) out for a walk. Charlie’s favorite trick is to grab the end of the toilet paper in the bathroom and run down the length of the RV, which required a modification of the holder to prevent this strange behavior. He can jump above ones waist and has a fetish for plastic bags which he can shred in a split second and that has required at least two trips to the Vet due to ingestion of the fragments that have required professional intervention. Charlie is walked by Sara at least five times a day. Each walk is equally spaced throughout the day in a futile attempt to wear out the dog before we wear out. It never works and as we get more tired, Charlie gets crazier. By bedtime he is a twirling mass of mischief that no amount of yelling, toy distraction or potches on the butt seems to deter. We have been told that when he is three years old he will begin to get some sense. We see little sign of it yet.

Early morning normally begins with a cup of coffee in bed and the morning news. We have specially built cup holders on each side of the bed and a flat screen TV above. We have three ways to get a TV signal: a bat wing antenna that cranks up on the roof of the RV, cable often provided by the RV park, and our latest addition, an automatic satellite disc also on the roof. With one push of a button, this modern electronic miracle scans the sky and finds three Direct TV satellites. Within minutes we can watch more channels than one would ever want or need. We have a “coast to coast” feature that allows us to watch two local areas no matter where we are in the continental USA. The two “locals” are, however, New York City and Los Angeles and conveniently 3-4 hours apart dependent of the status of daylight savings time. This means that most national televised programs are repeated and we can watch the national news anywhere from 3:30 PM to 7:30 PM twice. Between that feature and Home Box Office and the local video stores, our entertainment options are more than adequate to cover most “rainy days”. And we don’t have that many rainy days as we normally don’t stay in weather below 50F degrees or above 85F and seek sunshine and blue skies where ever they can be found.

When we arrive at a given location, the first few days are reserved for acclimation and setup. A 16,000 lb recreational vehicle, ours is known as a “5th wheel”, must be positioned correctly on our assigned site. Sara and I have developed a complex system of hand signals, gestures and occasional screams that normally complete this crucial task in less than 10 minutes. We abhor any help from strangers as most mistakes result in thousands of dollars in damage and we are determined to keep these types of misfortunes “in the family”. While I take care of hooking up the water, electrical, sewer and cable, Charlie and Sara are off to sniff out the laundry room and the dog walk. Well, Charlie usually has little interest in the laundry.

Using the Internet, local newspapers, restaurant listings, maps, our GPS information database, attraction brochures from the RV resort office and advice from our neighbors, Sara and I make a long list of all the things the resort and the area has to offer. We then narrow the list based on cost, common interest, time required (some activities require kenneling the dog) and variety. You can visit only so many vineyards. A recent one month stay in Palm Springs, California, yielded the following list: water aerobics class on Monday, Wednesdays and Friday at the resort pool, bird watching at several local wildlife reserves, a day trip to Joshua Tree National Park, a trip into LA to see the Jay Leno Show, a shopping trip to the local discount outlet stores, a visit to a local dog park, (Charlie wanted that one) Saturday night church, trip to LA with an overnight to see the play “Wicked”, a tour of several real estate developments to check out “possible permanent” homes, a trip into Mexico to get dental work done and a final trip into LA over night to see the Rose Bowl Parade. Rejected among the many offerings were such items as a trip to Disney World (too expensive), a resort sponsored trip to a local Casino (We don’t do gambling casinos except to eat or take advantage of the RV park facilities); a Thanksgiving dinner at the resort, (too many carbohydrates) and local RV show. (We can’t afford a new one) Each new location creates a new list of activities and a new set of rejections.

These activities are the highlights of our retirement but make up but a small portion of our days. The more mundane, as in most people’s lives, make up the most of our days and are often the most rewarding.

We both love to read, Sara mostly fiction and I read non fiction, adventure and travel stories. I often read about the places we are about to visit or our most recent destination. We buy a lot of books and send them on to be read by family and friends.

Sara does all the cleaning and laundry. She can size up a laundry in a heartbeat, and there is not a dust bunny in the world that can survive a single day in the RV. I enjoy the food shopping and do all the cooking. I have a huge key ring of grocery store cards from across the nation.

Sara has become proficient with a computer and emails family and friends on a daily basis. She plays computer Scrabble almost every night and has advanced four levels to “veteran” status with only four to go before she is a “tournament” player.

I take thousands of pictures with a digital camera at the locations we visit and within the past three years started to write about our travels. Sara writes daily in a diary and has for many years. Together we have published an online photo website at Pbase.com/Ravenoaks which this year passed over one million hits. I recently purchased a miniature table saw and have begun building and finishing photo shadow boxes using recycled picture frames from thrift shops. We then send them out as gifts.

I take care of the maintenance for our vehicles, a one ton diesel truck and our little convertible. The RV is always in need of exterior cleaning and general maintenance. When your home moves down the road at 60 mph, things are often in need of repair.

Weekends are often filled with phone calls to family and friends. We both stay in touch with our daughters by phone and have no trouble “burning” 1200 cell phone minutes per month.

Sara and I feel incredibly blessed in that we have been given this opportunity to travel together throughout North America during these past four years. It has been a life changing experience. After spending a combined 60 plus in the classroom as teachers, we made a decision to spend some time for ourselves “seeing the country”. When this adventure ends we both hope to return to some type of public service. Until then we will continue to travel.

We carry two signs in the RV which best describe our attitude toward life. The first says, “All of the Amenities, Without the Investment” and the second “Happiness Is Wanting What You Have.”

They act as a guide for

“WHAT THE HELL WE DO ALL DAY!”