Man was not meant to merely observe vast expanses of sandstone. The Holy Rock must be touched in a significant manner, as I am doing here. A life devoid of such encounters is a life without significance.

I follow the teachings of the Bhagwan Hotair Windbag of Antelope, who preaches the importance of uniting with sandstone in an effort to reach a higher plane of existence. The journey to Awareness is difficult and time-consuming, but I have made it my life's goal to become One With The Rock. In this scene I am pressing my body against a truly vast expanse of sandstone in Arches National Park. The site is on the plateau forming the west wall of Park Avenue.

After 7.1 hours in this position---without moving in the slightest---I felt a wondrous sense of rejuvenation and was able to talk to a black hole in a parallel universe. To my dismay, the effort was tainted by celestial constipation, as any replies from the black hole could not get out.

This documentation would not have been possible without the sacred assistance of my photographic sidekick, Joe Tripod. The only spiritual thing he relates to is a spirit level.
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