No it’s the inside of a very special pan – a pasta pan, as bought for me by my little sis some years ago before the now famous Christmas Present Amnesty. Known as the CPA – a treaty of high importance, signed in the presence of two elected presidents and an autocratic dictator, with the United Nations supplying the security and signed in blood.

The CPA states that neither party shall purchase, wrap and deliver a present to the other party on Christmas Day or indeed any other day. We’re all grown up and we can buy what we want ourselves. This doesn’t mean we don’t love each other to bits, it simply means we don’t see the need to express that love in the form of spending money – that thing that the retailers and manufacturers of “stuff” want us all to do in a frenzied manner from now until New Year.

Some may describe this as cynical, others may think it’s unkind or uncharitable but we both think it’s sensible. So, the treaty was signed, as already described in 2005 and has been stuck to like chewing gum on the bottom of a stiletto heel ever since.

It is a brilliant pan with many and diverse uses – the only one of which never to have been invoked is the egg poacher bit that fits on top of the pan, which (sorry Jan in case you disagree) is a crime against egg poaching if ever I saw one. Fresh eggs should be lowered gently into plain boiling water, gently cooked for a few minutes until the white is set, carefully lifted out with a slotted spoon, dried on kitchen paper then placed on a thick slice of home-made bread, toasted and slavered in real butter. The only other thing it needs is a grinding of salt and pepper before finding its way into my tummy – in case you’ve not guessed, this is my favourite meal on the planet. Egg poachers are designed for people who think that the fact that the egg comes out perfectly round is more important than the fact that the egg has the look and feel of rubber after being in one. If this is you, then you can buy the aforesaid egg-poaching device from the charity shop at the bottom of our old road in Sandhurst and you’re welcome to it!

Anyway, tonight said pan is being used to cook sub-standard pasta (someone else’s semola di grano duro flour, not De Cecco, which seems to be in short supply), with a piquant mushroom and Parmesan (veggie of course) sauce. Simple, wholesome and delicious – just what the doctor ordered.

Last year, trippy stuff!