We had a letter today from our solicitor asking us for our passports. We panicked a bit because obviously we need them in a few days so we had to phone him and explain that we needed them for the next two weeks and could it wait.

He was very sweet and told us the reason for this strange request is because he’s in Cornwall and doesn’t know us so needs to make sure we’re not using our house purchase to launder money.

It’s the third time recently that I’ve come across money laundering legislation, the first was when my sister’s little boys were born and I tried to open savings accounts for them so ‘Auntie Linda’ could put money away to buy their first cars! I wasn’t allowed because only Mum & Dad or Granny & Granddad are allowed to open accounts on behalf of children. They also have to show the birth certificate of the child to do it even then.

The other occasion relates to buying gift vouchers. I have to buy gift vouchers for a variety of stores for prizes in our fantasy league for the managers of the month. You can’t buy them online for the same reason – the stores can’t be seen to leave any loopholes open for the money launderers.

Today’s letter sort of made me laugh. The concept of money laundering seems particularly bizarre – I have a vision in my mind of a place where there are great washing machines loaded with cash and Persil. There are armies of people ironing the notes and polishing the coins with Duraglit. That vision is the inspiration for this photo.

How funny. I know I’ve been responsible for some ‘money laundering’ in the past when my buddy Claire and I used to polish our coins and iron our notes before going out for the evening. We just did it because we felt richer when we opened our purses to pay for a drink and the coins sparkled and shone. We got comments from bar staff all over the place.

To be honest it never occurred to me that I would ever be considered a candidate to be a real money launderer – I’m so damned honest that I gave Maria in the Epsom Diner back 15p of the change she gave me today because she’d given me too much. Ah well, suspicious times we live in.