Let me start by saying that whatever I say next it is no reflection of how I feel about receiving this gift! Let me explain – last weekend, as you know, we had Iain and Becks round for an impromptu supper on Friday night. To be frank, we were caught short in as much as we had no alcohol in the house whatsoever. When DM came to get us I thought it’d be OK because we could pop to the shop and buy some. After all, I knew my purse was in my car so I had funds to do that. I was thwarted by DM who came in the Cortina instead of the Sunshine Bus and therefore I had no purse and he didn’t have his wallet in his pocket. So we had to ‘fess up that he’d have to take us home then pop back to the shop for supplies. Iain and Becks wouldn’t hear of it so they stopped at their house to pick up a couple of bottles of wine and this honey rum. The honey rum had been a holiday purchase and we all agreed it didn’t travel well. If you can imagine taking a bottle of rum, pouring half of the contents down the sink then replacing with sugar syrup and you have something approaching this thing.

The use of the bottle and the title of the piece is about me - 20% alcohol – half the strength of normal spirits was the only device I could think of to describe how I’m feeling today. You see DM has had “man flu” for the last week and while he’s been flumped on the sofa snoozing or shuffling about with a mug of Lemsip or whatever, I’ve been er, well, less than sympathetic really. I’ve been thinking “for heaven’s sake, get a grip” even though I’ve not articulated it.

Now though, I realise I have been a mean-spirited old bitch because I have gone down with the lurgy and understand the lethargy and generally dismal demeanour. I feel as though I have been eating razor blades while someone punched me continuously in the head. Despite feeling exhausted I didn’t sleep at all last night because after two hours of tossing and turning, I finally fell off then DM prodded me awake because I was making gurgly noises that he didn’t like. I was furious because I didn’t get back off to sleep all night. So, I have been mean-spirited and generally nasty all day.