(or how to get what you want when you want it)

I generally have three campaigns a day. Early in the day I don’t need to worry too much because I like to snooze on the bed in the sunshine and am quite content to lie there and watch the world go by with nothing more than an occasional bark at a passer-by.

Most days, I start my afternoon campaign to go for a walk or go to the field to chase balls like a mad thing at around 3pm if either of my pet people are around. I start my campaign gradually, building up more and more until they just have to give in or go insane as the campaign reaches its crescendo. I start by sitting in their direct line of sight so they can’t fail to see me. If that doesn’t work, then I sort of shuffle back and forth between my Mum and Dad. If that’s not successful then I will do the same thing again but with a little whine as well. I get more and more animated the longer they ignore my demands. Well, wouldn’t you? I make sure they know exactly what I want and if they don’t supply it then they deserve to be pestered don’t they? Sometimes, if the campaign is going badly then I find myself roping in Lola – her excited little yip is really grating and the more excited she gets the more she yips. Yes, that usually brings about a satisfactory end to the campaign.

I’m now having a short break before I start my next campaign at about 6pm. Guess what that one is for? Yep – you guessed it. My dinner. I think I’d like some Chappie tonight. Can you accompany that with some crispy biscuits and a nice big handful of all-bran? Thank you. Oh yes, could you make it nice and moist with some warm water too? Great. Thanks very much. I’m putting in my order now so that there is no doubt about what I expect. Ideally if you could let me have my meal at about 6pm that’d be great! If you don’t of course, then I will ramp up my campaign and make sure that I am more and more annoying until you just have to give in. I’ll stand on your knee. I’ll whine. I’ll keep poking you with my paw. I know it’s not your fault you are a bit dippy and don’t always work out what I want straight away but that’s why I keep reminding you so often. You know, just to be sure you don’t forget me. After all, I am WASTING AWAY here.

In the meantime, I’ll have a little snooze on the rug in front of the fire (yep – it’s freezing here again today) and then I’ll clean all of the chlorophyll off my paws from where I’ve been charging about in the grass and then I’ll be nicely set up for my dinner.

I generally do have another campaign later – when I think they’ve stayed up too late. I’ll watch out for any sign of a laptop closing and then I’ll be on my starting blocks to go out for my night-time check of the borders and to do my ablutions. Sometimes, if I get really lucky I might encounter a rabbit or a mouse on my border patrol and then we see who is fastest. I’m not really sure why I usually lose that one but somehow I almost always do.