I’m something of a one-trick pony in my ranting at the moment because I’m still getting over-excited at the quality of ads on our TV. At the moment, there are examples of sublimely good and totally rank.

The slime-ball banks are on the loose, all of them getting on the same bandwagon - “you can trust us”. Nat West’s ad showing “caring b/wankers” (delete as you feel is applicable) is an example of the worst kind of advertising. “Oh yes, your savings are safe with us”, they say. Ah yes, that’s because the taxpayer is acting as a bottomless pit of insurance to ensure that’s so. Clearly they need to generate lots of new investment, and fast, because they need to pay Sir Fred his half-a-million quid a year pension and keep their fat-cat shareholders happy, not to mention generous bonuses to their current Board. Aviva (or Norwich Union to me) – “We care so much about you we know your names”……hmm – that’s the staff getting to know its customers at the expense of protecting their investments. I have personal experience of them investing my money badly and not meeting their obligation to me.

Still worst is the Halifax one that suggests that they send a team of 30-40 people to each of their account holders to give them a fiver for investing with them. Great use of corporate funds lads – keep up the good work.

Personally I’d prefer some hair-shirt wearing and the opportunity to go and throw rotten eggs at them. Just think, they could send one of their advertising agency’s team out with a mobile phone on which to record the scene. The only cost to the public would be a box of eggs and the cost of the wood to make the stocks to put them in. Yep – an ad like that would make me happy.

OK – I’m not saying there are not honest decent people working for banks, far from it, I’m just saying that the current crop of ads does nothing to appease my anger at the things that have happened in the last 12 months.

On the sublimely wonderful side of things is that delightful ad for Berocca. You know, the one with Blancmange’s “living on the ceiling” as its soundtrack. To be fair, the ad could be only just above OK and it would still get brownie points from me for using that tune, which I’d forgotten how much I’d loved until hearing it again on the ad. But in fact the ad is simply fab too. That mad synchronised “dance” on the running machines, done by ordinary looking people and the “you, but on a good day”. I just love the whole thing.

Would I buy Berocca on the back of the ad? In truth, almost certainly not BUT for entertainment value and giving me a smile on my face, I applaud the makers. They get my unreserved commendation.

As for my banking – I left the mainstream banks many years ago and would never go back to them – if my bank gets swallowed up by a biggie, I’d rather put my money under the mattress than go back to them.

All together now ......."# up and down I'm up the wall, I'm up the bloody tree, hiding from your questions, questions you won't ask, why am I up the tree you say?, why are you down there I say?"