Take a scraper and a hammer. Hold hammer in right hand and scraper in left hand. Position scraper at edge of cork tile. Hit hammer hard, several times.

You must, I repeat, must:

a. Have good hand/eye coordination.
b. Have a good attention span.

My status in these matters:

a. I have no hand/eye coordination.
b. I have the attention span of a flea, meaning I take my eye off the head of the scraper because I’m too busy thinking about something else.

Outcome:

Knuckle joint of forefinger and thumb each being hit roughly every thirty seconds for about four hours. Sore, sore hand. Big, big bruise.

Perhaps I’ll take the day off tomorrow.