I've been advised to copyright this. Not sure why. :) But this is original version.

Someone killed Santa Claus
Did they run him over with the bike?
I ran into a deputy
And asked him who they liked

The cause of death was suffocation
That much was clear
The electricity failed and down he went
So it's the power company, I fear

I called Appalachian Power
And asked about the lack
Of lights and heat when I got home
And when would it be back

I told them it was snowing hard
And my trailer was 20 degrees
They only seemed to want to know
If my dogs would attack their employees

I told them the chihauhaus were fierce
But really kind of small
And Santa Claus was laying dead
And they were the cause of it all

So here I am still on the phone
Talking to some woman up north
Trying to explain we don't have addresses
But we still get back and forth

It's West Virginia after all
911 mapping has just begun
So that everyone who already knows where they live
Can put a house number on

She doesn't seem to understand
A single word I've said
And she doesn't even care
That Santa Claus is dead