The title of yet another thriller that was left on the cutting-room floor -- like "Night of the Living," "Attack of the Killer Nerf Balls" and "Groundhog Day: the Resurrection." The meteorological definition of a noreaster is a storm that's not as bad as a hurricane but actually hits you. Actually, it's named for the scraping northeast winds that carry a delightful mixture of both frozen and unfrozen precipitation, roof shingles, branches, small dogs... But they don't get much respect compared to hurricanes, which almost never, never hit.

I was paid a visit this weekend by my friends Sam and Ella. Actually, it was salmonella and very much not my friend. Saturday I stayed in bed and cramped miserably, my fever hitting almost 102F. Today I'm woozey and shakey from dehydration and not eating, and feel like someone has been punching me in the stomach. Hard. As soon as I regain my strength I'm going to find out who it was and teach them a thing or two...

P.S., the beauty of having cats is that they don't try to comfort you or make a fuss over you when you're sick. In fact, as long as the food bowl stays at an acceptable level, they act like nothing out of the ordinary is happening. They know if you live through it you'll crawl out of your hole eventually and act like nothing happened.