Most observers would look at this and think about a man paddling a kayak on a sunny day. To the well-trained eye, however, something sinister is evident. Note the pattern of water falling off of the blade of the paddle. The problem is that it is NOT falling at all, but rising. The paddle is pulling the water out of the lake---and the paddle is not moving!

We have known for some time that evil-minded Aliens from far-flung worlds have the ability to mess with our laws of physics in the most disturbing manner. This violation of Earthly gravity has been seen before, and can be traced to the properties of the paddle. It is 95% [DELETED] and 3.9% inert elements. The material comprising the remaining slight percentage has not yet been identified, but chemists are working around the clock to put a name to it.

You need not fear, as the operative who recorded this scene just happened to have a battle-grade Highly-Regurgitative Meson-Specific Evaporator (HRMSE) on his person and used it to eradicate all traces of the “person” you see here. The paddle was retrieved later under the deepest cover imaginable.
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Naturally a sanitized cover story for consumption by the public has been developed. To paraphrase, it describes this as a typical kayaker at a marina on Lake Washington in Seattle.