…….the natural partner of trust. Sometimes it seems to me as though the whole world is in a sexual frenzy – everything seems to be so explicitly about sex that people seem to me to have forgotten about other basic human needs.

I’m not saying sex isn’t important – of course it is, it’s a powerful, potent demonstration of love and lust (though of course it can be many things other than demonstrating love, including being a bargaining tool and a demonstration of power rather than love).

Strangely I’d never really thought about sex as a bargaining tool but I have at least two friends who have used it as such in their lives.

I’ve noticed something really sad, which links back to the Jane Juska story that I wrote about at the end of last year. I’ve encountered a few people from my past in recent times, some more welcome than others. What has struck me is how often they are disappointed with where they are in life – it’s partly the realisation that their ambition to:

· Play for Spurs (or Chelsea or whoever)
· Become MD of a company
· Drive a Ferrari
· Own a yacht
· Live on a desert island

…..or whatever other dreams they had as young people are simply not going to happen for them.

It’s not just that though. It’s also about their relationships. Most seem to be in relationships, but not completely satisfied ones. Sometimes, it’s a simple matter of needing to remind themselves they really are happy with their spouse/partner, sometimes it’s more deep set and therefore more dangerous.

So many of the people who I knew as bright young things with drive and ambition are now ghost-like in comparison.

One of the most common tales is ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ – someone from my past actually popped up two or three years ago and used the above sentence on me while trying to persuade me I should leap into bed with him for an affair. Until that point I’d actually thought the phrase was a joke. Now I know that’s not so. This really seems like a parallel to the Jane Juska story to me.

Strangely, at more-or-less the same time an ex of David’s did a similar thing to him….she found him through Friends Reunited (how sad is that?) Of course neither of us went down that path because we both value what we have. Even more strangely, while David and I were giggling like fools actually trying to get this shot, he had another of these unwelcome advances from someone in his past.

Equally I just don’t get the ‘I like to go away on my own every now and again to give us some space’ view. I must say, for me the idea of a ‘girlie weekend’ with a bunch of women sounds like pure torture to me. I’d never accept an invitation to something like that. I don’t even really like ‘girls nights out’. Somehow it all seems a bit, I don’t know, odd. I suppose it’s just that I like mixed company much better. It always seems more balanced to me.

I got to thinking about it and came to the conclusion that the thing that binds couples together is a complicated mix of trust, love, lust, obligation or duty and affection. I think the problem comes when the exciting bits drift away leaving nothing more or less than obligation. I can imagine no worse prison than ‘staying together for the sake of the children’ but equally I think that it’s often possible to rekindle love and lust with a bit of effort.

Anyway, tonight’s photo is also a kiss but this time it represents affection rather than trust. It’s about liking the person you live with to put it simply. It’s about wanting to spend the evening with that person (with or without others) and about feeling your stomach churn when you see that person’s pupils dilate and their smile when you walk into the room.


Two years ago I was appealing for a home for Mr Peanut (he went in the wheely bin three weeks later) and last year I was also pondering on the subject of love.....

I've uploaded last weekend's footie shots now for those interested!