I have come home tonight to chaos. My friend has been here and is in the state to end all states. Her boyfriend has dumped her and she’s suicidal. It’s not the first time. The man is a complete shit. He has beaten her senseless on many an occasion and belittles her regularly. Not to mention sleeping with whomever he feels like sleeping with whenever he feels like it.

For some reason, my ‘little girl’ loves this complete prick. She idolises the ground he walks on and believes she is the one to blame for his behaviour. She thinks she makes him beat her. She thinks that when he breaks into her house in the middle of the night, drags her down the stairs by her hair , kicks her dog until his ribs are broken then does the same to her that it’s her fault. She thinks he will never do it again. She thinks he loves her.

I describe her as my ‘little girl’ because I am old enough to be her mother and because I love her like a daughter. I can’t bear to see her like this. My heart leapt when I knew he’d dumped her because maybe now this gorgeous girl can find herself a decent man who treats her with love and kindness.

She is inconsolable though and I worry tonight as she has gone home that she will do something stupid. She has no self-respect or esteem and says she can’t live without him. What can I do? Nothing. Last time this happened, I spent four hours at her house making sure she was not going to harm herself and eventually came home and worried all night. Today I have my parents (who came over to deliver DMs birthday pressie) telling me that those who say they will harm themselves rarely doing it. They tell me not to worry. How can I do that when she is in the mess she’s in.

There is no-one else to look after her yet I feel powerless and unable to facilitate change for her because she won’t acknowledge that he is a violent, control freak who simply wants to own her.

This is madness.

I, on the other hand, am lucky enough to have the love of DM. He may not thank me for showing this intimate glimpse into our love but I hope he’ll forgive the intrusion into our privacy to facilitate this story. Each day I wake up I thank my lucky stars to have him to snuggle into. Each day I go to bed and I thank them again for his arms around me. I’ve tried to tell her I’ve been in the space (except for me the beating came from a man I didn’t love and the man I did love simply walked away) she’s in now and you CAN have another life and that it will get better if she is brave and steadfast.

The trouble is that she can’t see beyond tomorrow. She can’t see that begging him to come back and crying won’t help. She can’t see that they make him stronger and her weaker. What kind of man relishes this? What kind of man would leave the person he professes to love unconscious on her kitchen floor and walks away not knowing if she’s alive or dead? What kind of love is that?