When I pulled in at the gas station, no bell rang inside to announce the arrival of a customer (remember when gas stations had those black hoses stretched across the asphalt?). No one came out, even after I waited a very long time and beeped my horn repeatedly with gusto.

Finally I decided to pump my own gas. As I got out of my car I saw that the pump's hose was split open from old age and exposure to the elements. Not one to give up easily, I backed up to the neighboring pump. More trouble: the pump was missing a hose and nozzle. I thought that was weird, but spare parts must be hard to get out here.

Then I realized there was a third pump on the island, so I backed up again. Thankfully, the hose was intact and in good condition, so I stuck the nozzle in my gas tank opening and squeezed the handle. Nothing happened. I tried it again---still nothing. Kicking the pump housing was fulfilling but a waste of energy.

This forced me to go to the front door of the station to summon some help. The door was locked, so I knocked on it until my knuckles were bloody. No response. By this time I was starting to get frustrated. As I returned to my car I discovered why the third pump was non-responsive: a missing outer panel revealed that the guts of the thing had been removed and the delivery pipe capped.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I can only take so much abuse, then I rebel. After bandaging my knuckles, I replaced the pump nozzle on the pump (I might have slammed it), closed my gas cap, and got in my car. Then I revved up the engine and popped the clutch. The latter action was quite a feat, as I have an automatic. To my utter delight, gravel sprayed all over the place, producing a manly sound as it hit the sheet metal of the pumps. A glance in my rearview mirror showed that my tires had left two deep ruts in the ground. The resulting exaltation completely overshadowed my disappointment.

I continued cruising down the road with abandon, feeling that I had left the appropriate message at the station. Customer feedback is important.