The general public is asked to report any sightings of this person to the local police. He is an out-of-state slacker who visits Moab to get high.

DO NOT APPROACH THIS MAN, as he is known to be frequently intoxicated by exposure to the sandstone terrain of southeastern Utah. Anyone who interacts with him while he is in this condition will be forced to listen for hours to overblown descriptions of his treks among the canyons and fins around Moab. Even worse, the stories (none of which can be verified) are laced with references to nonsensical concepts such as “becoming one with the sandstone.” The pain of exposure to such ramblings is unimaginable and thus he is considered a public menace.

This person lacks common standards of decency. He has been seen on numerous occasions in the Moab Information Center, soaking up as much information as possible without paying for it. His face is usually obscured by sunglasses having large lenses, a sure sign that he has something to hide. All this points to unsociability.

The anonymous hiker who took this picture was completely unaware of the danger he faced and was lucky to escape unharmed (the landscape-trek sermon he got was only ten minutes long). The next person to encounter him might not be so fortunate.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION:
Average height and weight; brown hair; brown eyes (often bloodshot from sandstone intoxication); usually wears a white sun hat and brightly-colored long-sleeved shirts. He is rarely seen without sunglasses and often carries a bamboo hiking stick having colored markings every 12 inches (30cm), which is used to provide scale in photographs.

MENTAL DESCRIPTION:
Too frightening to present here.


******** YOUR COOPERATION IS APPRECIATED ********