Since Nassau is only about 10 miles from Great Stirrup Cay, we spent the night sailing in figure eights before they let us in. Once at the dock, my crew split up with the family of four heading to Atlantis to spend massive amounts of money doing things we could do at home. Four others headed into town for an extreme shopping trip. My wife and I have previously seen everything we want to see in Nassau, which is nothing, so for the first time in our cruising history we stayed on the ship on a port day.

Staying aboard in port is actually a pretty decent way to explore the ship. GEM really is quite beautiful and once we learned the layout, it’s easy to navigate. I did end up in the kitchen while trying to get forward from the Magenta, and once late at night, several of us got totally lost in the cabin maze on Deck 7 (think “Spinal Tap” trying to find the stage) but overall the ship is really well done.

Late that morning, while relaxing in the cabin, we heard a weird mechanical hum from outside. Suddenly this wild moveable scaffold came cruising along the balcony rail carrying the worker who may have the best job on the ship - cleaning the exterior while surprising cabin occupants who may be engaged in activity which does not anticipate company. Be warned everyone, in port on 10 deck IS NOT the place to join the Balcony Club.

In the afternoon, I hit the Spa again while the wife went to get slathered in green slime (she won it- remember). On my way back to the cabin came “The Attack of the AARPs”.

Now I have always ripped RCI for their elevator setup and the GEM was far better in terms of getting elevators in less than geologic time. However, I was standing alone at the midships elevator on 6 Deck when, out of nowhere, I was surrounded by five people who must have totaled 350 years of age, each with a mine detector or other hardware.

Now it’s been almost a decade since that little red/white card arrived in the mail announcing the end of all my pretensions to youth, but these geezers had underwear older than me. Despite that, they moved like a pack of mongoose and had obviously practiced coordinated attack strategy because as soon as the door opened I got whacked by a walker from the left, a spider cane from the right and what I can only hope was a single cane from the rear. They all boarded the empty elevator, leaving me in stunned silence as the doors slid closed. Game, set and match to the Medicare set on that one. Apparently, Jack Daniels and Geritol are a potent combination.