No matter how you look at it, it's just not easy. You try to tell yourself that this is how is has to be, this is just a small part of God's much larger plan. You try to convince yourself that it doesn't hurt, that you, yourself, do not feel the pain. You try to suppress any emotions you may have. You put it out of your mind, so that you can not think about it. You try to become numb.

It doesn't work.

Death is not easy, even when you expect it. No one wants to see another human die. End of life care was created to make one comfortable, when the time comes. There is no magic pill, no special potion, no magic wand. There is real pain, raw emotions, and even anger.

Morphine is a very powerful drug, and is administered to those that are terminal. It helps to make them comfortable. He is in a great deal of pain. You can see it in his eyes. He is weak, with barely enough strength to cough. His voice,barely above a whisper. His breathing is becoming shallow, and weak. He knows the end is near.

You don't expect to stand beside his bed, and he grab your hand, and hold onto it so very tightly. You don't expect for him to tell you that he loves you. You don't expect this, even though you expect the end. You just can not prepare yourself for it.

These are not the memories you want to save.

My heart is breaking for him. I feel sadness, my heart hurts, my brain is so full. I refuse to give in to the tears, I must remain strong, for my Mother.