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Dave Beedon | all galleries >> People >> Sandstone Deprivation Syndrome (SDS) > Moabian sandstone claims another victim
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27-OCT-2006 20061027_9787

Moabian sandstone claims another victim

Arches National Park view map


This poor soul is making a fool of himself by imitating the shape of Delicate Arch, which can be seen in the distance in the largest version of this photo. While it is easy to ridicule him, it is important to look at his behavior as a symptom of an illness. He suffers from an affliction called Sandstone Deprivation Syndrome (SDS), a serious condition in which even short periods away from sandstone can cause all manner of unpleasant physical and psychological problems.

Most forms of this malady are treatable with industrial-grade tranquilizers and prolonged therapy at an appropriate in-patient medical facility (countertops and hallway floors must be made of granite or limestone). But the worst cases of SDS---those originating in the area of Moab, Utah---defy treatment, as the sandstone there exerts a vicious pull on even the most SDS-resistant tourists. Moabian sandstone has special qualities that make it irresistible to those of weak constitution. As with some other forms of addiction, SDS ruins lives: the victims seek larger and larger doses of exposure to Moabian sandstone to calm their jitters ("sandstone shakes") and stay sane.

The man pictured here is in Stage 4 of the disease, as evidenced by the demonstrated behavior. When under sedation, he revealed that he assumed this posture because felt the need to emulate the profile of Delicate Arch, a world-renowned icon. He considered his effort an homage to the arch, which is composed of Moabian sandstone. The fact that he is standing (arching?) on Moabian sandstone only re-inforced his misguided belief. He also admitted---without the slightest sense of shame---that he often wears a bright blue shirt to make him visible in photographs having a reddish background. This contradicts the well-known modern-day philosophy of wearing "earth colors" to blend in. Sad, isn't it?

In spite of the fact that this man is not at fault for having this addiction, he and his kind are not particularly welcome at the parks and other tourist draws around Moab. This might seem unfair, but his behavior is known to scare off tourists and corrupt today's youth. Please notify the authorities if you happen to see him anywhere near Moab.

His advanced case of SDS will never be cured. We can only hope that sedatives, straight jackets, and electroshock therapy can mitigate the symptoms enough that he can return to society and lead a half-way normal life.

This photograph, taken just outside the boundary of Arches National Park, was made with the assistance of Joe Tripod, who is in no way associated with the aforementioned affliction.


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Nikon D80
1/320s f/9.0 at 28.0mm iso100 full exif

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Dave Beedon29-Nov-2009 10:33
Steve, sorry to hear about your university's affliction and thanks for the consoling words about my blue shirt.

Lee, I am NOT a tourist; I am a slacker! Comments like yours are not received with an outpouring of gratitude.
Lee G29-Nov-2009 00:49
comments heard along the trail....
Dad, is that a real monument or is that a fake one in a man suit?

Do not look at that arch imposter, son, he is just a tourist from Renton with a twisted sp fetish. Your grandpa had the same affliction, we had to put him to sleep.
Guest 29-Jul-2009 11:27
My university had a bad case of SDS affliction. They used to organize protect marches that tended to become violent (e.g., throwing rocks at buildings). The buildings were usually made of limestone; I doubt if the rocks were sandstone--not likely in the Midwest. By the way, don't be hard on yourself regarding the blue shirt--doesn't it blend in nicely with the blue high desert sky?
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