Ian's been bugging me for days to play squirt guns with him. It's the only time I allow anything that remotely resembles a firearm to be pointed at another person in my home. It's pretty hot outside today, and he probably just wants to get wet.


Ok, so I really don't want to play squirt guns, but I don't want Ian to start getting that middle child feeling, so I reluctantly agree. So we get our swimsuits on and head outside. I open the shed and grab the 3 working blasters that we have been accumulating over the years. We fire up the hose in the front yard, and I start to fill up the first of two smaller guns. Ian takes it and immediately starts hosing me with it. So I quickly fill up the other small gun and start pumping it up, trying to get some pressure built up.


No good, faulty seals, water is leaking out of everwhere. Damn!


Race back to the reserve blaster. A huge super soaker rifle. I quickly get it filled and sealed up and start pumping the pressure up. Grab the trigger...nothing! So I reach for the backup nozzle below the main that works like a pump shotgun. Ohhh yea, success!! And I start chasing him around the yard, blasting him in the back, the head, the face...everywhere! Every few blasts, I try to get that top barrel working, to no avail. So once he runs out of H2O and is no longer a threat, I race back to the hose for a fill up. Except that I see there is another fill hole on top of my plastic howitzer. So I pop that one open and water sprays up at me. Hmmm...fully pressurized and has water in it. Something's plugged. Better dump it out.


EWWWWWWWW!!!! What the fuck is that fucking smell??? It smells like crap, but not that high quality stuff I've been rodding out of my sewer lately. This - is - fucking - nasty! I finally get all the water out of the gun and I look down inside it. Yup, that's a dead mouse down inside the water chamber. How the fuck...?

I drop the guns and knock the one out of Ian's hand and spray him down with the hose. I then race him inside the house. Margaret sees us race in and asks what's wrong. "Nothing hon.", as we race on by. Like the scene from Silkwood, I've got him and I in the shower, butt nekkid, scrubbing him from head to toe, several times, with a scrubby loofah thingie. The whole time he's asking me what's wrong. All I would say is that we're DEFINITELY not playing water guns anymore today.

So after removing 4 layers of my own skin, I get out of the shower and start thinking how the hell I'm going to get a shot of this without needing another decon scrub. Not to mention I'll have to smell that smell again. Cuz nobody is going to believe this shit. If I was hardcore, I would have cut it open and gotten a couple of strobes out and shot it properly. Yea, the hell with that. 8 shots with the macro lens pointed in the general direction of the hole, and into the trashcan it went.

Ewwww!!! I can still smell that smell....