Most people think that driving in the arctic is dangerous because of the icy roads and cold temperatures. I'll let you on on a secret, if you promise not to tell anyone: the real danger is the aliens. The place is crawling with them. The other night I was just driving down this road, minding own business, when out of nowhere descended an enormous green craft. Regrettably I had left my tin foil hat at home this evening. Within mere seconds a tractor beam transported me to an interrogation chamber in which they extracted -- directly from my brain -- much of my vast knowledge of reality television. Then I woke up. I was back in my car, on the road where this incredible series of events began. The following morning I discovered this photograph on the memory card inside my camera, evidently stored there by my captors as a memento of the encounter.