My washing machine survives on a diet of Tide (He) and Downy. Washing clothes and all the bad stuff that people who shall go unnamed might "leave" in their pockets. Bad things that front loading washers love to eat. Hair bows, bobby pins, scrunchies, more hair things, sometimes coins and once, a brand new tube of Chapstick brand lip balm.

When your washer eats these things, it's heart (pump) get clogged and ceases to work. Instant death!!!! After thankfully buying an extended 3 year warranty and getting to know the appliance repair people really, really, R E A L L Y good in the first 2 years of owning this machine and after going thru three heart transplants (pumps) my repair person hooked me up and ordered me a "spare" for that one day that was surely to come sooner rather than later and we'd need another transplant. Again, today that time had come…

Our Kenmore is resting comfortably doing a load of towels right now. It's a delicate procedure laced with a few Mother F***ers, 1 SOB and a "holy s*** I can't get this clamp back on". Much like I am sure occurs in surgery on real people. Yeah, I went all in today leaving the comfort of my iPad and coffee to become a appliance repair technical surgeon guy. I have skills that I never knew were in me. This is my proudest homeowner achievement to date in my 43 years on this planet!

Success…

My instructions to my recovering patient? Limit your intake of bobby pins, they'll do you in every time.