Reflections

Was it actually easier?
No, it was never easy then.
It bugs me a bit that I still process this.
I would have thought it would be done.
Yet things raise their hands sometimes.
And it would be lame not to reflect on them.
I can't bury my head in the sand over it.
Who I was the last 2 years of my marriage
still bothers me now and then.
I wish I had the strength to end it.
And because of that was she stronger?
I know she is not, but was she?
She left me after all.
There was nothing left to stay for.
Nothing but the hope it would return.
That was no reason to stay but I did.
Is it feeling guilty or angry?
And who am I more disappointed in?
In this case it is me.
I am disappointed I let myself be treated like that.
It is that nugget at the root of it all.
Upset at myself for giving that up to anyone.

PS: In case you are wondering:
Flash lit up the goose and weeds.
The yellow and orange is the setting sun
being reflected off the woods behind the goose
and then reflecting off the water.
(the sun is actually to my back)
Totally weird lighting circumstance.
A longer lens would have been nice,
but it was back in the truck.