“Myself
My…..self. That’s not a word. It isn’t.
How did I forget? When did I forget? The body stops a cell at a time, but the body keeps firing those neurons. Little lightening bolts; little fireworks inside, and I thought I’d despair or feel afraid, but I don’t feel any of that. None of it.I’m too busy. I’m too busy in this moment, remembering. Of course. I remember that every atom in my body was forged in a star. This matter…..this body……is mostly just space after all. It’s just energy vibrating very slowly and there is no me. There never was. The electrons in my body mingle and dance with the electrons of the ground below me and the air; I’m no longer breathing. And I remember there is no point where any of that ends and I begin. I remember I am energy, not memory. Not self.
My name, my personality, my choices, all came after me. I was before them and I will be after, and everything else is pictures picked up along the way. Fleeting little dreamlets printed on the tissue of my dying brain. And I am the lightening that jumps between. I am the energy firing the neurons, and I’m returning, just by remembering. I am returning home. And it’s like a drop of water falling back into the ocean, of which it’s always been a part. All things….a part. All of us….a part. Everyone who’s ever been….Every plant…every animal….every atom….every star….every galaxy…..all of it.
More galaxies in the universe than grains of sand on the beach. And that’s what we’re talking about when we say “God”. The One. The Cosmos, and it’s infinite dreams. We are the cosmos dreaming of itself. It’s simply a dream that I think is my life……every time.
But I’ll forget this. I always do. I always forget my dreams. But now in this split second, in the moment I remember, the instant I remember, I comprehend everything all at once. There is no time. There is no death. Life is a dream…..It’s a wish, made again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again on into eternity. And I am ALL of it. I am everything. I am all. I am that I am”'
