This T-shirt is a gift from my wife, who has the mistaken notion that I am obsessed with Moab. To make her point, she had this T-shirt made for me and asked me to pose while wearing it. In the spirit of staying happily married, I try to please my wife whenever possible; that is why I consented to this charade. But because I am loathe to broadcast lies on my clothing, I will never wear this shirt in public.

My life does NOT revolve around Moab, Utah! The fact that Moab has the most interesting topography I have ever seen is no indication that it holds any more fascination for me than does Detroit or Camden. Let's review the facts.

1. I do NOT spend hours each day thinking about that small city and the beautiful sandstone landscapes surrounding it.

2. I do NOT gaze endlessly at photos of the Moab area and dream of being there, nor do I picture myself walking on its fins and exploring its canyons.

3. I do NOT relish the thought of exploring bizarre landforms "to get a feel for the topography," and the idea that I have a long list of places (around Moab) to explore is nonsense.

4. It is a blatant lie that I have neglected household duties in response to a deep craving for Moabian sandstone.

5. Finally, it is preposterous to think that I would actually look forward to driving 1100 miles (1800 km) to get to Moab---even though I have a car that is a pleasure to drive long distances and has enough room to allow me to take along everything I would need for an extended stay in Utah.

In conclusion, I would like to refute the ugly rumor that I am afflicted with a disease called “Sandstone Deprivation Syndrome.” I disavow any knowledge of such a condition.